Okay, tell me when.

Some people you come across in this life won’t appreciate you having your own mind, your own thought process. They want you to join their cliques, their gangs and give up your views and adopt someone else’s. Is this mindset not the enemy of tolerance? We can all learn from one another, but that doesn’t mean we’re going to agree with every statement shared.

Must. Do. Better.

     So there really are guys out there getting upset because women didn’t accept their proposals? You can’t possibly be serious! For real-for real? C’mon, people… jerk it, pick up a new DVD and grab some intoxicants (whatever your preference may be) on the way back to your humble abode. Who doesn’t know that this is the proper and gentlemanly reaction? That’s why we’ve evolved with feet and legs - to keep it moving! You’ll be fine. Before I dig into how nobody’s keeping an eye on the development of the current generation, allow me to share my disapproval a bit more: no! No! No! How in the world does it come to this?

    Okay, so that’s out of the way. Let’s not let the parents off the hook on this one. We all know everything about people begins with home and is fed out in the world. That is where the foundation of being is laid and sculpted. Shitty parents create shitty people; with exception, some eggs come from the store rotten to the core. And while most of us will stray even from the best of teaching, eventually the good that is taught begins to stick again. So will someone please share the lessons of winning some, losing some and the importance of thick skin? And if the word “No” is taken lightly while boys are growing up, a disservice is being done. All I’m saying is when you say no to something during those formative years, add a touch of hostility and foul language if necessary. Set the tone and prevent your sons, nephews and mentees from becoming assholes.

      Becoming attached entirely too quickly, assuming those feelings are mutual and being disrespectful when discovering they aren’t is just plain ugly, not to mention immature. Desperation is the prominent scent in that moment, and that smells good on no one! But he’ll continue to be spritzed with that particular fragrance as long as tunnel vision persists. At the end of the day, we can never really be sure about what sort of situations we’re getting ourselves into. And we can’t always depend on the other person to be open about everything. Use patience. Be observant. Misreading body language is a bitch! Suitable response to being shot down would be shrugging of shoulders, acceptance of others’ choices and getting the hell out of there as quick as possible! No point in dragging it out and making that moment any more awkward than it should be…

Follow the hoofprints and broken furniture…

As a Sagittarius, I should probably come with a warning label.

WARNING: Very loose filter. Can’t stand quiet. Falls in love with ideals too easily. Will argue for fun. Accepts everyone. Overdoes everything. Thinks he’s sexy when drunk.

     Sometimes the absolute dumbest idea floating around between two ears - whispering excitedly - just feels like the best thing. Even if you do possess finely tuned common sense, every now and again it’s good to ignore the nagging inside… “Blah. Hush.”

       I thought I had something to say, something to get off my chest. But I got nothing. Been drinking with old coworkers. Decided to grill kabobs and fish wrapped in foil. Oh, and tequila! Two more shots and I’ll be bringing back dance moves from the mid-eighties and climbing onto table tops while sharing plans to save humanity! Had a friend hide my phone so that there will be no drunk texts. “Chill. You’ll probably ruin what she’s got with someone else.” Is that strawberry kush?

Over and out…

      As long as exchanging sexual energy is your primary goal, you’ll never truly witness or understand the beauty of woman. Granted, you can be overwhelmed by superficial attributes, but those make up such an unimportant portion of her overall being. My advice is to listen. Listen to the messages of the world she carries and her perspective will cause you to feel ashamed for being led by the very same urges preventing expansion of your ideal core.


     Anger and frustration are propellants. Neither of them should ever be your destination. Kindness, understanding and generosity are the greatest navigation tools available. Nevermind the weather, friend; it’s beyond control. Continue focusing on the peace, the other side of storms we’ll encounter during our travels. Won’t ask for a smile. Just hold onto faith that you’ll debut one eventually…

I could’ve saved both of us some precious time if I’d stated, “You know what? You’re brilliant and fucking gorgeous, but I’m an idiot and I’ll probably fuck this up. Check please!”
*high-five on the way out*

       I’ve walked on the lighter side of things and felt phony pretending that everything in the world was okay, just peachy. And I’ve hung out in the dark in order to get that dirt-under-the-nails authenticity while worrying about where the next attack would originate. So to seek a balance in this life of stains and scars, a decision had to be made. Figured I’d fare better if both feet were firmly planted in brightness and upbeat tunes while the hands dug into the shadows, guided by primal drums hoping to find real treasure ready to be shown in day. You’re searching as well, my friend.

       I’ve cheated while in a committed relationship. Learned a hard yet valuable lesson in doing so: keep your penis to yourself! Damaged quite a few nerve endings in the name of being greedy and believing I could get away with it. Not only did she get her revenge, she left the infamous Gold Wrapper in the trash, let the room go on smelling of lust and smirked when she witnessed the knot in my throat. The killer part? My birthday weekend was ever-so-perfect for making sure I felt what she had felt. Not only that, but I clearly remember my father explaining to me how a woman’s sense of smell is three times stronger than a man’s as my mother sat in the background nodding as if they’d been down that road before. I’ve never had a moment in which I wanted to slap myself harder!
      Yeah, I learned. But it shouldn’t have taken so much. Typical man, right? If my fire is ever lit again and I find myself in a steady relationship, an outside woman would have to pull a weapon and force me into underhanded dealings. But seeing as though women aren’t extreme and neither my finances nor middle are long enough to warrant that kind of drama, I’d say I’m clear. You guys can have that lifestyle. I’m quite alright with serving one queen, if I ever shake this solo daydreamer stage, that is.

Red, White and Blinking as though these words ain’t clear.

       Freaking humans. Some have such a difficult time admitting to simply needing a drinking buddy/good listener and an open-minded partner who occasionally allows champagne to be poured slowly onto various sections of the body (raise your hand if the bellybutton immediately came to mind); some actually get lucky and find both in the same person! Am I right? Did I say anything wrong? We all have the desire to be understood, the need to be wanted. The last thing anyone needs is for the world around them to feel uninviting or indifferent.

*Due to my sober state, this will remain an incomplete bundle of words I probably should’ve saved as a draft. Too early in the week…*

     Just as I was making peace with the realization that I may never find what I’m longing for in this life, a car slowly rolls by and the statement “Oh my God, girl! He is a sexy, chunky motherfucker!” flies out of it and slams into my ear canals. Those words alone showed me that there is such thing as balance in this world. And if plus-size male modeling ever becomes a thing, I should take a shot at brightening my future. Ah, Mondays…

Just saying…

Look, woman… if we’re making love and you yell out that you’re coming- of course I’m going to come too. Out of pure amazement! Its exciting to know that I’ve done my job well and hung in there long enough to actually witness the height of spasms and backwards-rolling eyes. If I assist you in reaching orgasm, every cell in my body celebrates like scientists in a laboratory after a major breakthrough: “Yes! We did it! We should thank the parents for coming together and creating a specimen of endurance and skill, physical appearance notwithstanding. Champagne and ribs all around! Oh, somebody hit the release valve already; he won’t be able to pull this off again for at least another three months…”

Keep living and maybe I’ll learn somethin’…

     I’ve developed lower and middle back pain from holding the weight of this world and an ear infection from the increasingly toxic speech of the masses. Every ounce of my being screams for me to drop you and break a strut in the opposite direction. But I continue to hold all… most likely to prove myself worthy of something I have no grasp of. Sure, life’s treating me just fine.

     There is no such thing as an alpha male. No matter how tough a person thinks they are, someone tougher is bound to come along and allow some of the air to escape from the ego. And as long as you’re composed of flesh and blood, you can indeed be taken down by taser or reduced to your childhood self by a hug from grandma. Stop it…